Week Eleven: Stuttgart win

Dortmund have had a rotten time of it lately. Their Champion's league success of the late nineties under Otto Hitzfeld came at a terrible price. After the collapse of the Kirsch media group, who held the Bundesliga TV rights, the league was left in financial disarray with Dortmund one of the worse off. The high wages that came with a successful squad meant Dortmund have spent much of the naughties counting their pennies and slowly but rather tediously restoring themselves.

No one could say with any degree of conviction that the Ruhr giants are returning to their former glory. However, coach Thomas Doll has had some money to spend this year and has constructed a newish and half decent squad. While his team will never win any Total Football awards and has struggled to gel at times, they did managed to secure a point against the league leaders Bayern.

The 0-0 draw at the Westphalen was only the third for the Bavarians and saw them lose ground slightly to Hamburg who appear to be emerging as their main challengers for the title this season. They won at Duisberg and are second, four points behind Munich. Behind Hamburg are bremen who faced Schalke at the weekend and will probably be please with their point in Gelsenkirchen. Karlsruhe are sandwiched between the two following an away point at Rostock.

Bayern's dropped points may have taken up a few of the headlines this weeks but the weekend was also marked by a rare and thoroughly welcome win for the Champions Stuttgart. A 1-0 victory against Leverkusen may not suggest that the comeback starts now but for Armin Vey's shocked troops it's the start of a start.

Elsewhere, two teams who had shown some occasional promise, Frankfurt and Hannover, contrived and snooze-worthy goalless draw last Friday. Berlin won 2-0 at home to Bochum. Bielefeld could only manage a 1-1 draw against bottom club Cottbuss.

Finally, Nurnberg had turned a corner last week after their 5-1 (gerd)mullering of Frankfurt. Trouble is they found a hungry looking Wolfsburg waiting further down the corridor. So much for those first person shoot-em-up analogies eh? The World has moved on.

That's it. Results and tables here. Highlights here.

Yo-yo round-up the first

This is the first of an occassionally regular round-up of German clubs in Europe. Coming up, the UEFA Cup. But first, the rich western club stitch-up that is the Champion's League:

Given the frankly atrocious performances from Bundesliga clubs in the Champion's League up to now this will probably become a short-lived feature. However, for what it's worth, here is the current state of play regarding Bundesliga clubs in the competition so far:

Stuttgart - What a place to start! Worse than Liverpool. The champions are bottom of their group and in danger of becoming a laughing stock. Admittedly Group E is a tough one, especially since someone died and made Rangers good. But losing 2-0 to Lyon? Come off it. The phrase "concentrate on the league" was made for this team.

Schalke - Bottom of Group B by goal difference. An unspectacular campaign but they had a dodgy linesman against Chelsea on Wednesday and were unlucky. Thankfully, only Chelsea want to qualify from this group so they are still in with a chance.

Werder Bremen - Third in Group C and would have been higher were it not for an appaling home defeat against Olympiakos. Still, they saw off Lazio on Wednseday and are in with a shout of the second round behind Real.


UEFA Cup:

I should start by saying that the UEFA Cup is a nonsence. You have to play at least 200 games before you can make it through to the last 32 and be joined by the losers from the Chump's league. What a load of crap. By common consent, the competition in it's present format's days are number. Still and all, the following are the unfortunate clubs compelled to suffer this ordeal.

Hamburg - A trip to Portugal ended with a 1-0 win in Group D.

Bayern Munich - Involved in a ding dong away win in their first Group F match at Red Star. Next up, Gary Megson's Bolton.

Bayer Leverkusen - A 1-0 win over rugby team Toulouse get the druggies off to a good start in Group E.

Nurnberg - Won't play their first Group A match until 8th November against Everton.

Bayern an Nurnberg's matches against Bolton and Everton respectively will be shown live on Five in the UK.

Cue Evertonian whinges about Colin Murray and John Barnes and Bolton whinges about.. well it's difficult to know where to start.

Week Ten: Mintel Bites Frankfurt

I took the day off today to wait for the washing machine man so took the opportunity to spend the afternoon watching Bundesliga replays and highlights on Setanta. I learned two things from the experience. One, that the circuit boards on Hotpoints are sh*t and two, that German Champions Stuttgart are in deep sh*t.

Armin Vey's depleted team travelled to Hamburg last Saturday and were well and truly battered 4-1. Stuttgart were undone by their own goalkeeper Raphael Schafer, who needs to be nailed to his line, and Hamburg's Ivica Olic. The Croatian striker kept his eye in for his country's inevitable win over England at Wembley in November with a nicely taken hat trick.

Another Croatian in good touch is Dortmund's Mladin Petric. His brace secured a point against local rivals Leverkusen. BVB's closest and fiercest rivals are Schalke who face Chelsea tonight in the Chump's League. They prepared themselves with a very disappointing draw against struggling Rostock. Schalke's keeper Neuer had a shocker as he threw the ball to Rostok's Marc Stein who in turn lobbed it back over Neuer's head and in. Most embarrassing.

Speaking of rivalries (yes we were) Wolfsburg travelled the shortish distance to Hannover for a ding dong 2-2 draw. Karlsruhe missed their chance to go second after only managing a goalless draw at home to Bielefeld. Thatsecond spot was taken by Bremen who beat Hertha 3-2.

At the bottom, Cottbus welcomed Duisberg for a six pointer and the home team are still propping up the rest after losing 2-1. At the top, Bayern went to Bochum and fell behind thanks to a cracker from Dennis Grote. So Frank Ribery adjusted his hat, scored the equaliser and set up Schweinsteiger's winner. Whadda guy.

That leaves us with the German Cup holders Nurnberg. There was some relief to their dreadful start to the season thanks to a home win for the first time since April against Eintract Franfurt. And is was a right (gerd) mullering too. 5-1 was the final score. Marek Mintal scored two and the result was capped off by a cheeky back-heel from Josh Kennedy.

Perhaps Nurnberg will turn that oft discussed corner after this result. Their poor show can't have been helped by the ridiculous name of their shirt sponsor Mister Lady. I mean really, I'm as sexually ambiguous as the next man but what are we trying to achieve here?

That's it. Results and tables here. Goals here.

Week Nine: October rest

Say what you like about Bayern, they are a class act and a joy to watch. Frank Ribery's performance may have been eclipsed by Luca Toni's two goals against Munich's Bavarian rivals Nurnberg, but when the Frenchman was taken off late in the second half the Allianz Arena knew who the power behind the goals was.

Yesterday's match was also notable for the absence of Oliver Kahn who was out with an injured funny-bone. Which has to be one of sports more ironic maladies given the complete lack of humour of the goalkeeping legend. At least he could he cheer himself up at the Oktoberfest. Michael Rensing occupied the space between the sticks for Bayern and enjoys the distinction of sounding like a character from a Bram Stoker novel.

Nurnberg have got problems. Reports from dispatches state that they are much better than their league position suggests but we've all heard that before. The second Sunday game saw Eintracht arrest a mini slide with a 2-1 home win to Druggie Leverkusen.

Elsewhere, Bremen made up for a 3-1 home defeat in the Chump's League with a 3-1 away win at Duisberg. Schalke took the gloss off their 2-0 away win in said Chump's League with a 2-0 home defeat at the hands of Karlsruhe who go second. Fantastic.

Meanwhile, as all that was going on, Wolfsburg registered another win against Rostock who have yet to draw in the Bundesliga. Bielefeld's less than admirable run continued at home to Hamburg with yet another goal by Raphael van der Vaart . Cottbus secured a point at Hertha and champions Stuttgart lost again. This time at home to Hannover.

Finally, Friday's child is full of grace. Unless you're Dortmund of course in which case Friday's child is hard at work scrapping for anything they can get. BVB were down to ten men against their Ruhr rivals Bochum when Giovanni Federico scored the winner after 70 minutes. Thats their first win after three consecutive defeats. Thomas Doll's job is still on the line and with the international break often used as a sacking point by clubs tese days, Doll's house is in danger of falling down. "We have thrown so much away this week that you have to ask yourself if the right coach is working here'' he said before the game. Typical managers. Always blaming the transport.

That's it. Results and tables here.

Week Eight: General Hospital

The curse of the Bundesbag strikes again. Only this time it's Rostock and its not really a curse.

After saying how utter rubbish they were they win the next three games and leap up the table to fourteenth. OK, so fourteenth is not great but seriously, they had lost all their games before this winning run. Their latest conquest was against the hapless champions of Stuttgart. How rubbish are they? I predict they'll do terribly for the rest of the season... can you see what i did there?

Contrast Rostock's start with Bielefeld, who got off to a flyer and were confidently predicted (by me) to be within a sniff of a UEFA Cup place come the end of their campaign. Where are they now? On the sticky end of an 8-1 (gerd)mullering at the hands of Bremen that's where. Twelve goals have had to be picked out of Mathias Hain's net since they got the old Bundesbag big-up. Sometimes I wonder why you bother reading this blog... oh wait you're not are you?

Anyhoo, the other big story of the week has to be Karlsruhe who are now 3rd in the table following a heartening tonk of the not so mighty BVB. The form graph of the Dortmund club looks like one of the those life-sign machines you see in old hospital dramas, so up and down have been the Ruhr giants this season. Coach Thomas Doll wants to be careful he doesn't flat-line (swish).

Elsewhere, Wolfsburg are beginning to twitch with a creditable 2-2 draw at Hamburg. Van der Vaart scored yet another goal. Just the seven goals so far. Where would Hamburg have been if he'd gone to Valencia I wonder?

The Munich treadmill continues with a 1-0 win roll-over at Druggie Leverkusen, Luca Toni scored his 300th goal of the season. On Friday, Schalke kept the pressure on the Bavarians by beating Hertha 1-0. The other Bavarians, Nurnberg are trying to claw their way out of the hole they're in by scoring three goals at Bochum. The only problem was that the home team got three themselves. Back to the drawing board eh?

Sunday saw Hannover (who I enjoy watching) beat Duisberg (who I don't) 2-1 and Cottbus scrape a point against Frankfurt who are going backwards. Have Energie turned the corner? My prediction? Without question, Cottbus will be definitely be...

That's it. Results and tables here.